ICRS: Alaska

Name: Alaska
Age: 25
Height: 6' 2"
Preferred Drink: Unknown
Training Grounds: Milwaukee
Overall ICRS: 4.125



Individual Competitive Score

Tolerance:
* * * * *
If you think he's in his 8th of college only because he's an idiot, you're at least partly wrong. This crafty bastard has been training relentlessly for the last 4 years whereas the rest of us fools have moved on, found jobs, and foolishly become productive. He has an edge in this area as obvious as Liz passing gas. Make no mistake about it, he's in peak drinking condition and ready to compete.

Boot Factor:
* * * *
Optimum drinking condition or not, this college drinker can vomit as much as the next guy. Fat chicks, not remembering lengthy periods of time, head-butting Golden Tee machines, and all-day hangovers are also in his drinking repertoire. He seems to be more stable at beer-only events, so don't bank on an early DQ just yet.

Chug Ability:
* * * * *
He doesn't have the sheer capacity of a Mayor McCheese. But neither does an Olympic-size swimming pool. What he does have is good speed and form, particularly in a late-inning, full boat situation. Years of "relaxing his jaw and throat" have definitely paid off.

Quarter Skills:
* * * *
Alaska is as comfortable bouncing a quarter as he is quoting 2Pac in public.

Pong Ability:
* * * *
He is nearly 26 years old and has a Beer Pong table permanently set up in his living room. Enough said. The only possible problem for him is that he's used to playing against guys that would be better suited for a dance competition than a drinking competition. Look for him to roll up the sleeves of his white undershirt and bring his 'A' game.

Beer Die/Guy:
* * * *
No surprises here: the south-paw is a solid guy player. In the words of a one expert analyst: "A well-rounded drinker takes to the sport of Beer Guy like McCheese has taken to Rogaine." To this man, catching a die is like tying his shoe.

Flip Ability:
* * * *
Years of collegiate ass-kickings have made Alaska a hardened Boat Racer. He's excellent with chug, but his motion and delivery are also very smooth. (Picture McCheese hitting on a fat chick on Valentine's Day.) That kind of smooth.

Intangibles:
* * *
Try not to be fooled by his creamy pale skin or his hairless exterior, this one actually drinks like a dude. If you can keep him from running his mouth and getting knocked the fuck out, he'd be a great addition to any team. Just be sure to wear sunglasses if you're drinking with him outdoors.

ICRS: Tina

Name: Tina
Age: 25
Height: 5' 9"
Preferred Drink: Busch Light
Training Grounds: Parts
Unknown
Overall ICRS: 3.0



Individual Competitive Score

Tolerance:
***
While his sheer tolerance for alcohol is not impressive on paper, Tina may be highly motivated in this area to prove to the rest of the drinking world that he doesn't sip beer like a "sissy girl."

Boot Factor:
*
Much like a battered orphan, Tina is tightly governed by the limits of his fragile stomach. On the bright side, his stomach is in good company as the rest of his organs are also frail and pathetic. It is said that when it comes to competitive drinking there are no guarantees. Our experiences have shown otherwise... Tina will boot come Nov. 24th.

Chug Ability:
*
The Buddha belly isn't fooling anyone. It would be quicker to start him on a drip IV.

Quarter Skills:
****
His speed and hand-eye coordination are on par with the rest of the field for the most part, but beware of his uncanny ability to call upon the Force and sink the "money" shot in retaliation when needed.

Pong Ability:
***
Nothing special to report on this one. He's better when he's focusing on the exact feel of the balls.

Beer Guy:
** (sober) / **** (really messed up)
You should be able to tell in the first Biz minutes whether or not he'll be a factor in this event. The die will either be under the TV set or in your cup.

Flip Ability:
*****
This is the event where he earns his back hair. Some say he's better with the flip than he is at tying his shoes. We're skeptical that's saying much however.

Intangibles:
***
On or off his game, Tina brings out the best in his teammates who take one look at him and realize they will have to carry the whole team. Assuming Tina is on his game, look for him to remove his shirt early and throw things at people until someone drops him like a small sack of potatoes. Chances are good he'll pass out in that very spot until the opening ceremonies of Beer Olympics 2007.

ICRS: Mayor McCheese

Name: Mayor McCheese
Age: 25
Height: Large
Preferred Drink: Is food a drink?
Training Grounds: Milwaukee
Overall ICRS: 4.0

Individual Competitive Score

Tolerance:
* * * * *
At 275 lbs. of nasty, sweaty, jiggling man-beef (a.k.a. Meef), you'd be a fool to think this kid can't take down a few beers. Pending any last minute hospitalizations like his 21st birthday, he should still be standing at closing ceremonies.

Boot Factor:
* * * *
While always a liability when it comes to vomiting, there isn't a player in the field who can pour as much disgusting crap into his/her system without showing any obvious effects. (Note the word "show" because you can occasionally "smell" the ill effects) His internal organs may be crying on the inside, but his chubby face will still be laughing on the outside. He looks to have limited competition in the 3 Beer Chug event, but it remains to be seen how that will affect him over the course of the remaining events.

Chug Ability:
* * * * *
It's not the two-swallows per beer from his earlier years, but even at three to four gulps McCheese won't be trailing many at the finish line. This is where he shines, and he's added about 40+ lbs. since college to reiterate that fact. We read you loud and clear, McCheese.

Quarter Skills:
* * * *
With above average hand-eye coordination and a blatant disregard for any beer penalty that awaits him, McCheese is formidable competitor in this event. But performing under pressure continues to be a sore spot for the aging veteran. When asked if he feels he can come through when it counts, McCheese had this to say: "...I kinda feel like a brick house that's been built on a foundation made of Saltine Crackers." -- McCheese is always working food into his analogies.

Pong Ability:
* * *
Almost none. We expect he'll want to take this event head on, but get vetoed by the rest of his team on grounds that he sucks. Consider him an early scratch.

Beer Die/Guy:
* * * *
Handles the basic rules of the game with ease, but his range and arm movements are limited due to an excess of fatty cells in his upper armpits. He could be a factor if paired with a more agile and versatile teammate.

Flip Ability:
* * * *
To say he's lost a step since his college days would be an understatement. Once a rock solid anchor, McCheese currently succumbs to even the slightest bit of outside pressure. Nevertheless, that six-inch diameter expressway that he calls a throat keeps him competitive even after his fourth flip. As the pavement will attest: he's a force to reckoned with.

Intangibles:
* * *
McCheese is a true workhorse in the drinking arena. While not particularly good at any one event, he'll provide team stability in a volatile competition. If college has taught us anything, you put 120 beers on his shoulders and 8 flights of stairs in his path, and this kid is going to make some people proud. Others will almost certainly vomit. But some will be proud.

ICRS: Papa

Name: Papa
Age: 25
Height: 6' 4"
Preferred Drink: Unknown
Training Grounds: Mean streets of PR
Overall ICRS: 3.0





Individual Competitive Score

Tolerance:
***
Passing out on the couch with your shoes on and waking up with a White Castle slider stuck to the side of your head should be a good enough indication that this guy could handle his liquor better. Still, his years of serving cocktails at the local Denny's should pay dividends and bring him up to the level of a respectable female.

Boot Factor:
***
Historically, this has rarely been issue for big Papa. However, our talent scouts have indicated that this is mostly due to the fact that he has never consumed more than four beers in a single evening. Then again, he has been known to perform significantly better with wine coolers.

Chug Ability:
**
Sure, he can drink Saki with the best of them but as far as chugging beer goes... well, you might want to consider using a magnifying glass and the sun light to evaporate the beverage in a more timely fashion.

Quarter Skills:
***
Nimble with a quarter, but has a strong fear of any and all penalty beers to the point where he becomes visibly flustered. Look for him to make stupid passes in the clutch, like setting up his own teammate to clink him for the victory.

Pong Ability:
****
During his most recent performance, he carried his teammate McCheese (which, any scale well tell you, is no small feat) to an upset victory, snatching a win from the hands of far superior opponents. Reality eventually caught up with him as they lost the best-two-out-of-three series.

Beer Die/Guy:
****
His above average play at the Beer Guy table is offset by his inability to stay sober through an entire match. A talented competitor, but all bets are off after the first cup sinking or biz spit.

Flip Ability:
***
Repetitive, sloth-like motions are his nature so if he can get rolling in the first few rounds he could prove to be a valuable team member. He'll have to hope beer quantities are low so his low tolerance and inability to chug don't prove to much to compensate for in the end.

Intangibles:
**
Papa will make a lot of people proud come Olympic day. But let's face it, the gay community doesn't count for much in a drinking competition. At least one thing is certain... he won't be on my team.

ICRS: Chairman M

Name: Chairman M
Age: 25
Height: 6' 4"
Preferred Drink: Busch Light
Training Grounds: Champaign

Overall ICRS: 4.25

Individual Competitor Score

Tolerance:

* * * *

A beer company made the mistake of surveying Chairman M to find out weekly alcohol consumption of Champaign County. What resulted was an hour long conversation with a horrified woman including these responses, "It's hard to quantify the cups of beer that you drink during a kegstand." Glasses of champagne? Do you know how many glasses are in four bottles?" "No I said seventy not seventeen."

Boot Factor:

* * * *

Everyone spews some time in their life, but Chairman M tries to keep it to a minimum. A natural hater of reversing processes, he reserves stomach purification for extreme situations like when he eats too many people's law school applications or thinks he can walk through walls.

Chug Ability:

* * *

Give him a full boat and he's going to struggle against heavy hitters. Even with smaller amounts he's merely adequate. His true value comes in with his wiles and smarts. In the taps line, he's going to be the guy to build you back up after Baby Bird breaks you down and he'll be the first to recognize, "Hey guys, I don't think pulling our pants down has intimidated the other team."

Quarter Skills:

* * * * *

Chairman M is like a fish in water during quarters. He's ruthless with the skills to back it up. Learning the game for the first time in Milwaukee , he was able to clink another rookies glass three consecutive times. The repeated beating forced the man to reverse chug and blow foam into his hands. "Next!"

Pong Ability:

* * * * *

Being an East Coast gentleman's game, this Midwest kid didn't really discover the game until well after college. That hasn't stopped him from utter domination. Known for strapping weaker team members on his back and willing the team to victory, his only weakness is he craves the rollback so badly it causes his hand to shake and eyes to swell.

Beer Die/Guy Rating:

* * * *

In a failed attempt to drink 21 beers and 21 shots on his 21st birthday, the Chairman went standing unconscious, hitting his head on a TV, a table, and finally a soft tile floor. Three hours later, and mildly concussed, he arose to play a game of catch the middle of the three dice. His skills may have deteriorated, but his love of the game is something you can never lose.

Flip Ability:

* * * *

He gets mad if he wastes more than two flips and like a high performance auto, the more alcohol you put in, the better performance you get out.

Intangibles:

* * * * *

The Chairman's a born leader. He's convinced people to start a new civilization in between cars at SIU with nothing but four Busch Lights, a piece of week old pizza, and some doughnuts. He's recklessly cut the pub crawl time of 30 minutes per bar to 5 minutes creating a dangerous bar dash event. And he's inspired people to whip their lifeless bodies down stairs with no regards for their own safety. So yeah, you might die drinking with the Chairman, but at least you'll have a good time.

Individual Competitor Rating System (ICRS)

So who's the top competitor, and what determines that? We'll have to play the games out to find the true answer, but just like any major sporting event (this is a major sporting event) we like to analyze the game before it happens. Here is what matters in the Beer Olympics.

Tolerance: This is the amount of alcohol a player can consume without becoming incapacitated. The less beer it takes you to swing wildly, talk to walls, and sleep with ugly people, the lower you tolerance rating will be. Higher rankings will go to those who can stand and still participate, though no longer technically alive, over those who immediately pass out and fall asleep.

Boot Factor: Chance you will vomit. Why does this matter? If you puke, you can't be drinking. Here's a real life example:

"I was playing Survivor Taps and it was down to two people on my tribe vs. five on theirs. They decided to destroy us and went full boats. I got the first two down, leaving two for my teamate, and then I would swoop in for the final one. We were killing the other team, but unfortunately the two beers hurt me too bad and caused beer expulsion. I had all the time in the world to kill the final beer, but couldn't do it because of the spew.

"By the time I had control of myself the other team had caught up and we lost. Had I a boot factor of five, I would have been able to finish that final beer and we would have went on to glory."

Gross enough? Just be aware of how your team boot factor comes into play.

Chug Ability: Perhaps one of the most important facets of the Beer Olympics, this is how fast you can put a beer into your body through your mouth opening. This is different from chugability -- how fast something can be chugged. Ex: Bud Light, 5 Guiness, 10 Syrup 35.

Quarter Skills: Ability to bounce a quarter into a shotglass under intense emotional strain.

Pong Ability: Ability not to suck at Beer Pong. I'm a firm believer that there is a large amount of luck involved in Beer Pong, but if you consistently can hit a spot you are aiming for, you earn a high Pong rating.

Beer Die/Guy Rating: Ability to catch, throw and otherwise handle a die while still remembering to avoid biz and buzz and keep your beer at the proper fill level.

Flip Ability: Ability to flip a cup. These are pretty obvious at this point.

Intangibles: Maybe you bring something special to the table that no one else does. More than likely you don't but we can always make something up for this category and at the very least bring up a shameful story from your past.

Beer Olympics Power Rankings

Below are the current teams and their overall power rankings. Players have been rated in eight categories and then overall teams ranked based on the overall team score.

Click on a competitiors name to see their individual profile and category ratings. You will want to check back often as more teams enter for up to date overall power rankings.

Team Delicious
Chairman M
Trifecta
Tina
Nown
Baby Bird

Overall Score: 3.525

Team Englewood Jack
Chairman Horn
Mayor McCheese
Alaska
Mendoza
Jugs

Overall Score: TBD

Team Poop
Papa
Spence
Lushious
McGee
Squasi

Overall Score: TBD

Team Sizlak
Sammy
Sizlak
Tyson
Professor
Thug Life

Overall Score: TBD

Team Old Champaign
Terminator
Captain Ron
Dr. Dre
Tiff
Mystery Chick

Overall Score: TBD

Team Undergrad
Animal
The Dawg
Mr. Peepers
Secret Weapon
The Dude

Overall Score: TBD

Team Beer Muscles
Beerceps
Latisabeer Drunkguy
Esophachugus
Consumptious Maximus
Beerchugus Major

Overall Score: TBD

Team Rag Tag
Beer Girl
Goddo
Two Ply
Lusty
Donna
Overall Score: TBD

Other Profiles
Jones
Toby
Chuck Norris
Silver Bullet

Tables Are Here

Our tables have arrived for the Beer Olympics. Just a reminder this is how they are supposed to be used.

When negotiating for the tables I told the man selling them they were for a day care center. It didn't seem right that I explain the real reason I needed them. My last email to him included, "Thank you so much for your help. The children will love them!" It's not that inaccurate. Most of the people participating are just grown children.

The tables are short so there is going to be considerable bendage when leaning down to initially grab the cup of beer and then again to flip the cup. For some people this is a problem, "Bending! I hate bending!" But others realize the advantage of having their teammates bending over. I suggest all female competitors consider a nice V-neck shirt for the competition.

The tables are wobbly, but, as you can see, support some weight. There is a small ridge surronding the table. It's probably for preventing children's crayons from rolling off, but in our case it actually works against us. It makes flipping a bit more challenging but not too much so. In my tests I consistently was able to one and two flip.

These tables are very tossable. They are light enough that if all people on the team are trying to throw it, the tables not going too far. They are so light that if there's a strong gust of wind, there is a chance that it could go backwards. God willing.

The legs are pretty fragile, but I think that rather than breaking they'll more likely just pop out. It will make it an interesting race if people are routinely forced to put their tables back together.

The pieces are coming together. All we need are some teams.

Reason Number 232 Why We Won't Be Using Real Names

Because people like this are involved, pictures like this will be taken and will be posted.

Fear of Google: Who's this Dude?

So, maybe you are wondering why I haven't used any real names on this site. The problem is that I would like to post some pictures of people being idiots on this site (see above). Now if I use real names, the magic of Google will find them. Clients, employers, and anyone else who cares can attach my name to the somewhat unprofessional events on this blog. Quite frankly that scares me.

But Chairman M, the above picture of Sizlak was taken at his company event.

Well, it's been proven time and time again that this kid has no shame whatsover, but maybe DGreat pictured alongside, or the homosexual kid in the corner cares. And that matters.

Beer Olympics FAQ's

Is this dangerous? Won't I get hurt or ill?

Probably. Beer Olympics 2006 is a hazardous physical activity. People who are nursing or pregnant should consider not participating. Anyone participating in the Beer Olympics waives all rights to sue the organizers or arena owner, Chairman Horn.

I can't field a team of five, can I still participate?

Yes. If you can't field a team of five but really want to participate, send me an email declaring this. I'll try and pair up teamless people. I'll try and do this as quickly as possible, but if we have have four teams signed up and paid before you can assemble your team you are out of luck.

Fifty bucks seems like a lot. Why so expensive?

Beer for one, food for another. But the wildcard is for the price of things like tables, the trophy, flashcards, etc... Don't worry, you're getting a good deal. Besides, who spends less than $10 drinking all day anyway?

I drink for fun not competitively. Is there a place for me?

Yes. We encourage spectators to come out and enjoy the games. There will be plenty of drinks and you'll be more than welcome to food. Just bring along $5-$10 to throw into the communal food/beverage pot.

I wish to prove the superiority of the female species, can I have a team of all girls?

Yes. The rules clearly state that each team must have two girls, but there is no stated number of dudes on a team. If you've got the balls to compete with five girls, more power to you.

I just sent you an email with all five of my team members. I'm in right?

No. Your team is locked in place when you give me cash or check in the amount of $50. This proves you are serious about competing.

Where can I find more information on this event?

For now talk to the chairmen. In the future there may be a website with pictures of the Roscoe Alexander trophy and other updates. (Note there is, you're on it)

What beer will be served?

Busch Light, or whatever is the cheapest tolerable option. This beer is to be consumed, not enjoyed.

That sucks, can't we get something better? Hey, Rolling Rock would be good! What about Mich...

No. We have to buy four tables whose sole purpose is to be hurled through the air. That hurts the budget, so cheapest tolerable option is the choice. Besides, Horn's abode cannot have anything better than Miller Light. Anything higher quality will spontaneously combust and turn to ashes. Ask Sizlak. His arm is still burnt from when he tried to bring in Sam Adam's Summer Ale.

2006 Beer Olympics Official Rules

TEAMS

Teams will consist of 5 members, of which 2 must be female. Of this group one must be designated captain. Each team member must participate in a minimum of 5 events and a maximum of 6 events.

FEES

There will be a $50 fee per team to be used to cover the cost of beer, food, the Coveted Roscoe Alexander Trophy, and other necessary drinking materials. Teams must be registered and fees paid to the Event Chairman, by Saturday, November 14.

EVENT DATE AND LOCATION DETAILS

The Beer Olympics shall be held at Champions Stadium. The event will be held the Friday following Thanksgiving (November 24). Opening Ceremonies will begin promptly at 2pm.

SCORING

Each event will be awarded the following points except for the Beer Obstacle Course.

1st place: 10 points
2nd place: 7 points
3rd place: 5 points
4th place: 3 points

Beer obstacle course, as the final event, and most physically demanding, will award double points to competitors, as thus:

1st place: 20 points
2nd place: 14 points
3rd place: 10 points
4th place: 6 points

EVENTS

Beer blindfold test

• Participants: Magic Tongued Team Member (1 member)
• Six beers will placed in six separate party cups, leaving them devoid of any brand markings. Cups will be marked 1-6.
• During Round 1, a member from each team will then attempt to identify each of these beers through taste, touch, sight, smell and sound if necessary. Team members will then write down their guesses and turn into head judge.
• During Round 2, the six possibilities will be revealed to players. Tasting and guessing will then occur and papers turned into head judge.
• Results will then be scored and points awarded.

Beer Die

• Participants: Beer Die Team (2 members), whoever starts must finish.
• Seeds will be determined by a paper scissor rock competition. Teams will then play each other tourney style to determine 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th place.
• Standard Marquette Beer Die rules will be used. Games will be played to biz.

Beer Pong

• Participants: Beer Pong Team (2 members), whoever starts must finish.
• Seeds will be determined by PSR competition. Teams will then play each other tourney style to determine 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th place.
• 10 cups will be used in competition containing 3 beers total.
• Standard rules will be followed. Bouncing results in two beers, two sinks in one turn results in a roll back.
• Unless a double sink occurs, or a bounce scores on the final cup, a team with no cups remaining will have a chance for final redemption. Each team member will take their turn and continue until a cup is missed. If the team eliminates all of the opposing cups, over time will occur.
• Overtime consists of three cups, one beer, and will follow standard beer pong rules as listed above.

Chug Three Beers

• Participants: Sick Individuals (1 member)
• Competitors will have three beers placed before them. Contestants will get an “On Your Marks. Get Set. Go.”, spoken slowly and clearly from a hot chick. On “Go”, competitors will begin placing beer into their mouths via a standard chugging motion.
• Points awarded based on order of finish. Competitors are not allowed to evacuate fluids from mouth within 30 minutes of competing. Mouth evacuation during this time will result in a DQ finish.
• Spilling DQ: Disqualification from the event will occur if excessive spilling occurs on either the competitor’s shirt or the floor. Excessive spilling is defined as an area that cannot entirely be covered by a CD.

Chug one beer through a straw

• Participants: Team Member Who Can Suck Like No Other (1 member)
• Standard straws will be provided for use. No hands are allowed.
• Points awarded based on order of finish.

Speed Quarters

• Participants: Entire Team (5 members)
• Standard rules of speed quarters.
• Seating will be determined by this method. Team A will have one member sit down. Team B will follow. Then Team C, etc… until all team members from all teams are in the ready position.
• A hit money shot can be given to any player and will result in two clinks for that player.
• Penalty drinks will be 1/3 of a beer.
• After three clinks, player is eliminated.
• Teams will be awarded points based on when their entire team is eliminated.

Taps/Boat Racing/Flippie Cup

• Participants: Entire team (5 members)
• Seeds will be determined by a paper scissor rock competition. Teams will then play each other tourney style in a best of three series to determine 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th place.
• Beer levels will be filled to a mutually agreed upon level. If one cannot be reached the standard fill will be one-quarter beer.
• In the event there is a tie and a winner cannot be determined, teams will fill up two cups and the competition will occur in down in back fashion.

Drinking Memory

• Participants: Non Brain Damaged Team Member (1 member)
• PSR to determine order.
• Competitors will play a game of memory with a standard deck of 52 cards. A pair is considered any two cards matching in number or letter. They need not match in color.
• Drinking rules will be thus. 2-9, 1 drink. 10-K, 2 drinks. If the pair matches in color drinks will be distributed. If it is a non-color matching pair, drinks will be taken. Pair of Aces will result in a table waterfall. Start determined by the collector of the pair.
• Points awarded based on number of pairs.

Table Game

• Participants: Entire team (5 members)
• Table game is the same as taps/boat racing/flippie cup, except instead of a winner being determined at the end of a round, team must pick up table and launch it across yard. Team then resets table and plays taps again. The process continues until table throw hits pole, or suspended bell.
• Team will consist of four chuggers and one filler. One beer must be chugged per team, per throw. Member’s beer levels need not be equal, but successful flips must occur from each member to launch table.

Beer obstacle course

• Participants: Entire Team (5 members)
• Set up: A table will be set up at the north end of Champions Stadium. On the this table will be a shot glass, three quarters, two full cans of unopened beer, one half beer, 10 flashcards of simple math, and five cups of beer, three full and two half cups. Team members will stand behind the line at the south side, with Team Member 1 beginning the event wherever he chooses.
• Vomiting DQ: If at any time a participant vomits, no penalty will be assessed.
• The course will be as follows:
• Football Toss—Before the start of the event Team Member 1 will position him/herself anywhere they wish on the field of play. On “Go” a team member will throw a football to Team Member 1. If the pass is completed Team Member 1 will run to Quarters station and begin 3 Quarters event. If the pass is incomplete, Team Member 1 must run the football back to the passer and attempt again.
• 3 Quarters—Team Member 1 will drink ½ of a beer. They will then attempt to bounce 3 quarters into a shot glass. When all three quarters have been successfully bounced into the shot glass they will run back to the start and tag Team Member 2.
• Woman Carry—Team Member 2 will then pick up Team Member 3 (does not necessarily need to be a woman) and carry Team Member 3 to table and back to pick up unopened can of beer. If at any time Team Member 3 is dropped. Teams must restart from the spot of droppage. Team Member 3 will hand the beer to Wheelbarrow team, while Team Member 4 goes to Simple Math.
• Simple Math—Once the beer has been successfully handed off, Team Member 4 will then rush to the table to compete in Simple Math. Simple Math is completed by answering 3 simple math questions in a row. Before each question can be answered a shot of beer must be taken. Once the three questions have been answered in a row, Team Member 4 will rush back to the team and tag the wheel barrow team.
• Wheelbarrow—While Simple Math is being performed the Wheel Barrow team, consisting of Team Member 5 and another member, must finish the beer brought back to them from the Woman Carry. If the beer is finished at the time Simple Math makes the tag, competitors can perform the Wheelbarrow; if not they must finish the beer. Once the beer has been finished and the tag made, the wheelbarrow team will wheelbarrow style down to a post and come back. The wheelbarrow is done when the wheelbarrow person cross the line.
• Final Blow—Upon the wheelbarrow crossing the line, all team members will race back to the table to compete in a the final taps event. Standard taps rules apply. Men will drink one full beer, with women drinking ½. The last cup being successfully flipped marks the finish line.

EVENT OF TIE

In the event that all events have been completed and there remains a tie for 1st place. A showdown will occur.

Team members will go one on one and compete in a game of taps. A mutually agreed upon portion of beer will be consumed. If one cannot be agreed upon, men must use one half beer, and ladies, one quarter beer.

The team with the winning member in the showdown will be awarded one point. The first team to reach three points will be declared the winner and Beer Olympics World Champion.

AWARD CEREMONY

Beer Olympic Team Champions will be awarded the Roscoe Alexander Trophy, originally awarded in 1931 for prettiest pigeon in Omaha. They will then be allowed to bask in the glory of the moment and the approval of all beer-drinking people across America.

The Inspiration

Where did the Beer Olympics come from? Drawing inspiration from a Sox giveaway I quickly emailed Chairman Horn and the dream was born.

"When attending the Sox game on Saturday, they were giving away replicas of the World Series trophy. They wouldn't give me one because they are assholes (actually because I'm not a season ticket holder), but I wanted one. That got the gears in my brain going. How can I win a trophy?"

The obvious way was to hold a drinking competiton.

Plans were made to try and secure a World Series replica trophy, but those were over a $100 on eBay. Lucky for us we found a better (and cheaper!) alternative. Besides, you can't drink beer out of a World Series trophy like you can the Roscoe Alexander Trophy.

I mean look at the two, which do you think is cooler?

The Roscoe Alexander Trophy

The origins of the Roscoe Alexander Trophy are shrouded in mystery. Supposedly the city of Omaha decided in 1931 to put a call for all the most beautiful of pigeons in North America. What resulted was perhaps the greatest upset in the storied history of bird showing. From the Ebay description which I'm sure is 100% accurate:

"The favorite in '31 was a stout bird from Lincoln, going by the name of Charles Weatherford. His wings were graceful, beak sharp, and plume full. No one in attendance expected a young upstart from Siox City to make a splash, but splash he did. His wings cocked back, Roscoe Alexander strutted and crowed like none before him, shaming the beautiful Weatherford and capturing the hearts and minds of the people of Omaha."

Ok, so that's all BS, but the fact is that this award was given to the prettiest pigeon in Omaha, which is pretty screwed up and now we have a trophy in which the winning team will be able to drink beer out of.

Why do we need a trophy? If it isn't evident, I'll let competitor Tina's email point out the obvious.

"I WANT TO WIN!!! (AKA) KICK ANDY'S LITTLE GIRL ASS!!!!!! THE LAST TROPHY THAT I WON WAS 3PLACE ON PARKRIDGE BASEBALL TEAM (PAINE WAS ON MY TEAM THAT YEAR) WE WON A TROPHY BUT SADLY WE COULD NOT DRINK OUT OF IT ( AND I WAS ONLY buzz teen)"

Tina always speaks from the heart and refuses to ever utter five or seven.

Beer Olympics Site

This is the official site of the 2006 Beer Olympics. Check back often for updates, player profiles, and a full history of how the Beer Olympics came to be.