Wednesday, September 27, 2006

ICRS: Papa


Name: Papa
Age: 25
Height: 6' 4"
Preferred Drink: Unknown
Training Grounds: Mean streets of PR
Overall ICRS: 3.0





Individual Competitive Score

Tolerance:
***

Passing out on the couch with your shoes on and waking up with a White Castle slider stuck to the side of your head should be a good enough indication that this guy could handle his liquor better. Still, his years of serving cocktails at the local Denny's should pay dividends and bring him up to the level of a respectable female.

Boot Factor:
***
Historically, this has rarely been issue for big Papa. However, our talent scouts have indicated that this is mostly due to the fact that he has never consumed more than four beers in a single evening. Then again, he has been known to perform significantly better with wine coolers.

Chug Ability:
**

Sure, he can drink Saki with the best of them but as far as chugging beer goes... well, you might want to consider using a magnifying glass and the sun light to evaporate the beverage in a more timely fashion.

Quarter Skills:
***
Nimble with a quarter, but has a strong fear of any and all penalty beers to the point where he becomes visibly flustered. Look for him to make stupid passes in the clutch, like setting up his own teammate to clink him for the victory.

Pong Ability:
****

During his most recent performance, he carried his teammate McCheese (which, any scale well tell you, is no small feat) to an upset victory, snatching a win from the hands of far superior opponents. Reality eventually caught up with him as they lost the best-two-out-of-three series.

Beer Die/Guy:
****
His above average play at the Beer Guy table is offset by his inability to stay sober through an entire match. A talented competitor, but all bets are off after the first cup sinking or biz spit.

Flip Ability:
***

Repetitive, sloth-like motions are his nature so if he can get rolling in the first few rounds he could prove to be a valuable team member. He'll have to hope beer quantities are low so his low tolerance and inability to chug don't prove to much to compensate for in the end.

Intangibles:
**

Papa will make a lot of people proud come Olympic day. But let's face it, the gay community doesn't count for much in a drinking competition. At least one thing is certain... he won't be on my team.

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