ICRS: Alaska

Name: Alaska
Age: 25
Height: 6' 2"
Preferred Drink: Unknown
Training Grounds: Milwaukee
Overall ICRS: 4.125



Individual Competitive Score

Tolerance:
* * * * *
If you think he's in his 8th of college only because he's an idiot, you're at least partly wrong. This crafty bastard has been training relentlessly for the last 4 years whereas the rest of us fools have moved on, found jobs, and foolishly become productive. He has an edge in this area as obvious as Liz passing gas. Make no mistake about it, he's in peak drinking condition and ready to compete.

Boot Factor:
* * * *
Optimum drinking condition or not, this college drinker can vomit as much as the next guy. Fat chicks, not remembering lengthy periods of time, head-butting Golden Tee machines, and all-day hangovers are also in his drinking repertoire. He seems to be more stable at beer-only events, so don't bank on an early DQ just yet.

Chug Ability:
* * * * *
He doesn't have the sheer capacity of a Mayor McCheese. But neither does an Olympic-size swimming pool. What he does have is good speed and form, particularly in a late-inning, full boat situation. Years of "relaxing his jaw and throat" have definitely paid off.

Quarter Skills:
* * * *
Alaska is as comfortable bouncing a quarter as he is quoting 2Pac in public.

Pong Ability:
* * * *
He is nearly 26 years old and has a Beer Pong table permanently set up in his living room. Enough said. The only possible problem for him is that he's used to playing against guys that would be better suited for a dance competition than a drinking competition. Look for him to roll up the sleeves of his white undershirt and bring his 'A' game.

Beer Die/Guy:
* * * *
No surprises here: the south-paw is a solid guy player. In the words of a one expert analyst: "A well-rounded drinker takes to the sport of Beer Guy like McCheese has taken to Rogaine." To this man, catching a die is like tying his shoe.

Flip Ability:
* * * *
Years of collegiate ass-kickings have made Alaska a hardened Boat Racer. He's excellent with chug, but his motion and delivery are also very smooth. (Picture McCheese hitting on a fat chick on Valentine's Day.) That kind of smooth.

Intangibles:
* * *
Try not to be fooled by his creamy pale skin or his hairless exterior, this one actually drinks like a dude. If you can keep him from running his mouth and getting knocked the fuck out, he'd be a great addition to any team. Just be sure to wear sunglasses if you're drinking with him outdoors.