Divergence of Beer Die vs. Beer Guy

I'm often asked why the hell do we Champaignites and the rest of the world call Beer Die, Beer Die while Marquetteites refer to it as Beer Guy. The divergence of Die vs. Guy has a long and storied past and requires a worthwhile explanation.

In the summer of 2003 Chairman Horn and I spent a weekend in Wisconsin fishing, jetskiing, and general hanging out. Soon it became appearant that it was time for drinking games to begin.

"Who wants to play Beer Die?" An older friend said. Note that I put Die in italics because that is what he said.

"Hey sounds good." I replied. Not knowing anything about this game and fearing the fullness that a delicious 12" Cousins sub had provided, I asked my partner Chairman Horn, "How much beer do you have to drink in this game? I'm pretty full."

Also full from his standard 18" of sandwhich (note: I think he's compensating for something) he replied confidently, "Don't worry, I've seen people play this before. It's a one to two beer event. Three, tops."

After the rules of Beer Die were laid out to us we proceeded to warm up. The first throw went to the other team and they proceeded to sink us. Then I spit biz. We got one throw and were sunk again. Horn spit two, but the damage had been done. We were addicted.

Like Christ's apostles we were sent forth to spread the gosple to our respective campuses, but little did I know that in a moment of deafness Horn had heard our mentors say, "Who wants to play Beer Guy?"

I went to Champaign and we slightly adjusted some rules, writing under the table rather than on it. Horn went to Milwaukee and slightly adjusted some rules, changing the height to what some consider a drastic level. For the most part Beer Die was played regularly and remained intact at both campuses, so when I returned to Milwaukee and opened the door to find a foam board, four milk crates, and precariously perched cups at the four corners I knew it was on. Everything was going great until Horn asked the question , "Are the guys in Champaign as good at Beer Guy as we are here?"

"What the hell is Beer Guy?"
"This game."
"No it's called Beer Die. You're retarded."
"Beer Guy. Look we got a sticker that says Beer Guy and put it on our mini fridge."

Unable to defeat this logic and probably celebrating yet another sink on McCheese (look it's my story. I can tell it how I want to.) I let the subject go.

As time went on, Champaign remained a bastion of purity for the game of Beer Die, while Milwaukee mutated its freakish game of Beer Guy into a grotesque character of its former self. Pads were added to the playing surface. Then cans. Then you could drink the cans to make them go away. The throw height went even higher. Cup-catch meant nothing and scoring points also equaled a drink. Some guy wore kneepads. A rule was added to force players to disrobe. The popular clevage catch was added and crotch catch experimented with. By the time the Beer Guy/ Beer Die debate reached its apex Beer Guy was no longer recongnizable as Beer Die.

Unaware of just how much the rules had changed in one year, team U of I foolishly agreed to play for the naming rights under the rules of Marquette Beer Die. Trifecta was deemed unable to perform and a weakend U of I team was forced to take the table. Several controversial plays led to an eventual Buzz to Biz win. From this point further team U of I will always be forced to call Beer Die, Beer Guy, on the campus of Southern Illinois University. But no where else.

Because the evidence is outstanding. If you want to find a beer game where you throw a die across a table and attempt to catch it, the game is called Beer Die. See here, here, and here, among many other places. If you look up Beer Guy, you aren't going to find a game, you're going to find this guy.










Case dismissed.