Thursday, November 09, 2006

ICRS: Animal

Name: Animal
Age: 21
Height: 5' 8"
Preferred Drink: Cranberry Vodka
Training Grounds: Champaign
Overall ICRS: 3.5

Individual Competitive Score

Tolerance:
* * * *

She's got experience having already participated in a similar event, but I don't know if it's anything to brag about, "I participated in the Shot Olympics at Western and I think I might have won. Afterwards I fell down two flights of stairs and passed out in a field for an hour." Ummm...sweet. Maybe you might want to register for a different competition.

Boot Factor:
* * *

She's no Jones, but I'm concerned. When asked about some shameful experiences for her profile, both included the phrase "And then I threw up." Not a good sign.

Chug Ability:
* * * *

Color me impressed. Imagine McCheese eating a plate of blueberry pancakes, except instead of pancakes it's beer and the process is infinitely cleaner.

Quarter Skills:
* * *

Based on the above experience with shot glasses, I'm guessing she'll just shake looking at one. Seeing as it's a key game piece in Speed Quarters, that could hurt the team. Of course maybe violent shaking and screaming will be an effective technique. It seems to work for Tina.

Pong Ability:
* * *
Is thinking you are awesome good enough to earn a high pong rating? No. But if it was Animal would have five stars. She's a solid competitor, but not going to earn any friends by saying things like, "I'll play with my eyes closed." or "Here, you only need to hit one of our cups to win."

Beer Die/Guy:
* * *

Animal used to be a softball all-star, proving she's got the hand eye coordination to catch and throw. Unfortunately 8th grade softball is played sober, so after adding alcohol to the mix, it's difficult to see how those skills will transfer. My guess is that some will be lost in translation, but you'll see enough shine through to consider her a decent competitor.

Flip Ability:
* * * *

She excels at the flip but like Baby Bird, her strength is in negative reinforcement. We are actually concerned these two teams will have to go head to head at some point. Animal and Baby Bird will have no problem chugging and flipping in under a second, but the game will never end since both their teams will be sobbing in a corner from the "encouragement" they received.

Intangibles:
* * * *

I've got to assume she's the captain of this team, since she's the only one on the team I can see walking after three events. Mr. Peepers isn't going to carry the load, and I can't imagine her 90 lb friend causing too much of a ruckus either. Maybe the pressure will get to her, but I'm guessing that she'll just get alcohol poisoning and pass out on the lawn.

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