Today I Invited Kyle Orton to the Beer Olympics

Seriously. Maybe he'll come. Here's what I wrote to him:

"Kyle Orton
c/o Chicago Bears
Halas Hall
1000 Football Drive
Lake Forest, IL 60045

Dear Kyle Orton,

This is your official invitation to the Beer Olympics being held on Friday, November 24th.

Though you are a superstar football player you’re still young, and I’m guessing you can still throw one back. We have a range of competitors ages 21 to 25, so you’d fit right in. We need a Boilermaker rep since we have alumni from Illinois, Iowa, and Wisconsin competing. And I heard on a radio show you don’t know a lot of people in the area, so you probably have the time to come.

We currently have one spot open on one of the eight teams and we want you to fill it. According to the rules it needs to be filled by a girl, but we can make an exception for you. Besides nobody on that team knows each other so they’ll have the disadvantage of an initial lack of teamwork.

All the information you need is located at beerglory.blogspot.com, but I’ll give you the gist. Five competitors per team, two girls, three guys, participating in ten events. Members must participate in at least five but no more than six:

Beer Taste Test
Beer
Die
Beer Pong
Speed Quarters
Beer Memory
Table Game
Taps/Boat
racing/Flip Cup
Chug Two Beers
Chug through a Straw
Beer Obstacle
Course

We’re not a company or anyone trying to get publicity. We need another player and while watching the game this week, I figured what the hell, I’ll invite Kyle Orton.

Now maybe you think we’re crazy, and that’s probably true, but if you want to learn more about us you can visit the site and read the profiles. At that point you’ll know more about us than we know about you.

If you want any further information, like the location, you can send me an email. I don’t share our real names or the event location with anyone I don’t know. Most of us have real jobs and promoting the fact that you can chug two beers the fastest isn’t exactly the way to the top. We’ll offer you the same anonymity.

Let me know if you are interested in participating or just stopping by.

Sincerely,

Chairman M"

If he does come. He better watch his ass. My family eats Bears quarterbacks alive. My dad picked off Mike Tomczak in a flag football game. Beware Kyle, I will do the same to you in Beer Pong.