WTF?! Maxim Names Milwaukee #2 Party City in America
It's a cool town, I'll grant you that. I've talked jive with some white boys, vomited in several places and even traveled to the future here, but c'mon number two party city in the nation? No way. Here's what Maxim says:
When I think of a party city, I think of shots being poured into my mouth by crazy hot topless chicks. The two cities that fit the bill, Las Vegas and New Orleans, sandwich Milwaukee as the one and three cities, making the selection seem even more out of place.
Now, when I think of Milwaukee, I think of brats and beer. It's a great place to eat lots of meat and get obliterated with a couple of your closest friends, but to qualify as a party city you must have hot women and in this department they are sorely lacking (sorry MU alumnae).
The situation is best described by Chairman Horn while looking at MU's entry into Playboy's Girls of Conference USA. "She's not bad, but like most girls around here, she becomes much more attactive after a case of Busch Light. So drink up."
Maybe I'm wrong. There's plenty of homeless guys to share a drink with. The city recently lost it's leadership position of fattest city in America. And Milwaukee is the only city to force Mayor McCheese into the emergency room for a drinking related incident (note: McCheese continued drinking after being released).
Milwaukeeites, I look forward to the defense of your city. With Chicago at number ten, and Miami not even on the list, I think something went horribly horribly wrong with these rankings.
"Recently named America's "thirstiest" city, Milwaukee eats, sleeps, and burps beer. Home to the Miller Brewing Company, Brewers ball club, and over 500 bars, it guarantees a drinking buddy and a tasty, kraut-covered brat at every turn. Bottoms up!"
When I think of a party city, I think of shots being poured into my mouth by crazy hot topless chicks. The two cities that fit the bill, Las Vegas and New Orleans, sandwich Milwaukee as the one and three cities, making the selection seem even more out of place.
Now, when I think of Milwaukee, I think of brats and beer. It's a great place to eat lots of meat and get obliterated with a couple of your closest friends, but to qualify as a party city you must have hot women and in this department they are sorely lacking (sorry MU alumnae).
The situation is best described by Chairman Horn while looking at MU's entry into Playboy's Girls of Conference USA. "She's not bad, but like most girls around here, she becomes much more attactive after a case of Busch Light. So drink up."
Maybe I'm wrong. There's plenty of homeless guys to share a drink with. The city recently lost it's leadership position of fattest city in America. And Milwaukee is the only city to force Mayor McCheese into the emergency room for a drinking related incident (note: McCheese continued drinking after being released).
Milwaukeeites, I look forward to the defense of your city. With Chicago at number ten, and Miami not even on the list, I think something went horribly horribly wrong with these rankings.
posted by Chairman M at 10:02 AM
2 Comments:
Forbes rated us as the #1 drunkest city in America, draw your own conclusions.
Drunkest does not equal best party city. I've been to parties where a dude chugs a bottle of champagne followed by a bottle of jack then proceeds to fight imaginary enemies, makes the women feel uncomfortable, vomits on the host, and then passes out in the middle of the floor staying concious long enough to wet himself. Few people high five each other and say, that dude is awesome, so glad we invited him. That dude gets a penis drawn in permenant marker on his face.
Post a Comment
<< Home