ICRS: Beer Girl

Name: Beer Girl
Age: 37
Height: 5' 9"
Preferred Drink: Tequila Sunrise, with bold hues of armaranth enhanced by slight chiaroscuro
Training Grounds: Eastern Seaboard
Overall ICRS: 3.125

Individual Competitive Score

Tolerance:
* * *
According to his driver's license Beergirl is no female... but you wouldn't know it from watching him drink. We're fairly confident that you could replace his penalty cups with O'Douls and he'd still end up on the floor. This is the type of guy who gets tipsy after he rinses with Listerine in the morning. But don't count him out just because he falls below Tina on the masculinity chart. He's coordinated, competitive, and won't be brushed off lightly in any event come game day.

Boot Factor:
* * * *
Despite a sub-zero tolerance, this has never been a real problem area for Beergirl. We'd be much more concerned about an early and extremely shameful pass out (one which would inevitably end in him driving home early the next morning and not speaking to any of us again until we had all forgotten a few weeks later).

Chug Ability:
* * *
We've never been witness to him chugging a beer and we're pretty sure that's no coincidence. Chances are good he could make you a detailed oil painting of said event with greater speed and accuracy. And I want one for my living room. Seriously.

Quarter Skills:
* * *
If all of his quarters bounce with the same flutter and pizzaz as the way he walks, he should be in pretty good shape. We're assuming he's relatively new to the speed version we play, so look for pressure situations to put a damper on his otherwise perky and bubbly demeanor.

Pong Ability:
* *
Since he's been out of college for over a decade, we're expecting him to be rusty in this event. Besides, the balls he's used to playing with are significantly smaller. Cut the guy a break, he's an art teacher.

Beer Die/Guy:
* * *
If he shows up wearing a skirt, this is one commentator that won't be surprised. And no, he's not Scottish. But his lack of talent is due to limited experience and nothing more. He improves nearly exponentially with each game he puts under his belt (assuming you wear a belt with the skirt? Not sure.) And his admiration for the game makes him a viable option and threat in the sport of Beer Guy.

Flip Ability:
* * *
As anybody in their mid-30's can tell you, he's been around the block long enough to have flipped a cup or two in his day. We just hope tha this eastern sea-board upbringing combined with his Rocky Mountain college days can compete on the same level as the field of Midwesterners (where this sort of thing is our only true form of entertainment).

Intangibles:
* * * *
Don't let the goatee and pick-up truck fool you... Beergirl is all woman and come Nov. 24th, you'll hear her roar. Sure he may not know what the inside of a men's room looks like, but that won't stop him from giving it his all and turning some heads in the process. Don't expecthim to just take the loss sitting down, he'll Tivo the Home Shopping Network that day and come out ready to play. This bitch has claws.